WEDDING CHECK LIST

"When you fail to plan, you plan to fail"-Anonymous

There is probably no social event more difficult and stressful to organize than a wedding.

While the actual act of getting married Islamically is very simple, the wedding can become a chaotic mess if careful planning is not part of the process.

It is with this in mind that we've come up with the detailed checklist below. It's not comprehensive, but it's a basic guideline in question format brides, grooms, families and friends can use for planning.

1. THE STARTING POINT

Have all of the people who are involved with organizing this wedding (i.e. bride, groom, bride's parents, siblings, friends; groom's parents, siblings, friends) sat together formally at a meeting?

Have they discussed and worked out the points below?

A. THE WEDDING STYLE

Have the bride, groom and their families discussed what kind of wedding they want? Some points to consider are:

• ·         large or small
• ·         fancy or simple
• ·         formal informal
• ·         dinner or lunch, tea or picnic

B. THE WEDDING COORDINATOR

• ·         Has an overall wedding coordinator been designated?
• ·         Is this person older (i.e. a parent), wiser, patient, tolerant and experienced?
• ·         Can this person handle stress and pressure well?
• ·         Have they organized other weddings or large social events before?
• ·         Have the bride, groom and their families agreed that this person should be in charge of the arrangements?
• ·         Has an agreement been made by everyone involved in planning the wedding that this person will have the final say over all matters pertaining to the wedding, following Shura (consultation) with relevant parties?
• ·         Has an agreement been reached that all lists, paperwork and news pertaining to the wedding will be made known to this coordinator by all parties involved in organizing this wedding?

C. THE SHARIAH REQUIREMENTS

Has a Shariah requirements committee been selected? This committee will:

• ·         ensure details of the marriage contract, including the Mahr and conditions to be put in the contract have been finalized
• ·         find out what is required from a couple to marry in that state (i.e. a marriage license, blood test).
• ·         inform the bride and groom of these requirements
• ·         help the bride and groom secure the necessary documents (i.e. marriage license)
• ·         inform the bride and groom of any immigration issues relevant to marriage (if the marriage involves two people in different countries)
• D. THE BUDGET
• Has a budget committee, led by a responsible, older experienced accountant ideally been established? This committee will:
• ·         decide on a budget for the wedding
• ·         put this budget on paper
• ·         make sure this budget been approved by the parties that are paying for it (i.e. groom, groom's family, bride, bride's family)?
• ·         notify each committee (see below) exactly how much money they can spend on their section
• ·         give each committee the money it needs to get its job done
• ·         come up with a final financial accounting at the end of the wedding for the record of the bride, the groom and if wanted, for their families

E. THE HALL Has a hall committee been established? This committee will:

• ·         discuss with relevant parties what kind of hall to book
• ·         choose a hall in accordance with the tastes of the relevant parties and the budget they have been given
• ·         make sure that booking the hall does not mean being stuck with its catering services (if the relevant parties don't want this). This needs to be discussed with the food committee (see below)
• ·         book the hall
• ·         sign a written contract with them
• ·         follow up from time to time with hall administrators to remind them of the contract
• ·         take care of all physical arrangements (i.e. seating arrangements, separation of the sexes) at the hall.
• ·         make sure that the rules and regulations of the hall are respected by relevant parties and guests during the wedding
• ·         make sure they are paid promptly for their services
• ·         take care of hospitality issues related to the wedding
• Some things to look for in a hall are:
• ·         is it in a convenient location for guests?
• ·         does it have motels and hotels nearby so that out of town guests can easily get to the site?
• ·         are these hotels and motels affordable?
• ·         does the hall have enough space for prayer during the wedding?
• ·         does it have separate rooms of men and women or can it at least be segregated easily?
• ·         are washrooms big enough to accommodate the needs of a large number of guests?
• ·         is the hall clean and well kept?
• ·         will other weddings be held in the same hall simultaneously?
• ·         if so, will this interfere with your wedding party?
• ·         can the decoration committee come the day before to set up the place?
• ·         does the hall include catering? If so, has the food committee been notified of this?
• ·         does the hall have a condition that you must use their catering? If so, have the relevant parties and the food committee been notified of this and have they agreed to it?
• ·         what is the maximum capacity of people allowed in the hall?
• ·         what are the fire regulations?
• ·         can you bring burners to keep the food warm?
• ·         how big is the kitchen?
• ·         is there a parking area that will be sufficient for guests that is free?
• ·         what are the rules and regulations of the place?
• ·         do you have a written copy of them?

F. THE FOOD

Has a food committee been established. This committee will:

• ·         discuss with relevant parties what kind of food will be served, what kind of caterer to book and whatfood guidelines need to be respected in the wedding menu
• ·         choose a caterer in accordance with the tastes of the relevant parties and the budget they have been given
• ·         sign a written contract with the caterers
• ·         follow up from time to time with the caterers to remind them of the contract and of the food guidelines, but not meddle with their work
• ·         make sure full payment is made
• ·         arrange how the food will be served (if the caterers are not already taking care of this)
• G. THE DECORATIONS Has the decorations committee been selected? This committee will:
• ·         discuss with relevant parties how they would like the hall decorated
• ·         buy the decorations
• ·         decorate the hall before the wedding
• ·         clean up afterwards

H. THE PROGRAM Has the program committee been selected? This committee will:

• ·         book the Imam and/or person who is officiating the marriage as well as his substitute
• ·         set up audio visual equipment at the hall for the wedding
• ·         write up a written program and get it printed out
• ·         work with the time manager (see below) to ensure the program runs on time

I. THE TIME MANAGER

Has the time manager been selected? This person is responsible for assuring punctuality at the wedding. S/he must:

• ·         be in regular communication with all committees
• ·         regularly remind by e-mail, phone etc. the relevant parties and guests about being on time
• ·         come up with a foolproof plan to get the wedding to start and end on time

J. THE CLOTHING

Has the clothing committee been selected? This committee will do the following:

• ·         get the bride and groom's clothing measurements and preferences
• ·         buy the clothes or get them made at a tailor's
• ·         take care of all issues related to payment and delivery of the bride and groom's clothing
• ·         make sure to get the clothes early on so the bride and groom can try them on and any necessary changes can be made
• ·         arrange for any changes to be made
• ·         make sure the clothes are ready for the bride and groom the day of the wedding

K. THE INVITATION CARDS

Has the invitations committee been selected? This committee will:

• ·         discuss with relevant parties what design, verse of the Quran and text should be on the cards
• ·         design a map to the hall which will be included with the invitation card
• ·         make sure the spelling of the names on the wedding card is correct
• ·         arrange the printing of the cards
• ·         get the names and addresses of all guests
• ·         distribute, mail, e-mail, etc. the wedding invitation cards

L. LOOKING FOR A HOME

• ·         have the bride and groom begun discussed where they will live and what kind of place they will live in (i.e. apartment, home, etc.)?
• ·         have they begun the process of looking for a place?