"When you fail
to plan, you plan to fail"-Anonymous
There is probably no
social event more difficult and stressful to organize than a wedding.
While the actual act
of getting married Islamically is very simple, the wedding can become a chaotic
mess if careful planning is not part of the process.
It is with this in
mind that we've come up with the detailed checklist below. It's not
comprehensive, but it's a basic guideline in question format brides, grooms,
families and friends can use for planning.
1. THE STARTING POINT
Have all of the people who are involved with organizing this
wedding (i.e. bride, groom, bride's parents, siblings, friends; groom's
parents, siblings, friends) sat together formally at a meeting?
Have they discussed and worked out the points below?
A. THE WEDDING STYLE
Have the bride, groom and their families discussed what kind
of wedding they want? Some points to consider are:
- ·
large or small
- ·
fancy or simple
- ·
formal informal
- ·
dinner or lunch, tea or picnic
B. THE WEDDING COORDINATOR
- ·
Has an overall wedding coordinator been
designated?
- ·
Is this person older (i.e. a parent), wiser,
patient, tolerant and experienced?
- ·
Can this person handle stress and pressure well?
- ·
Have they organized other weddings or large
social events before?
- ·
Have the bride, groom and their families agreed
that this person should be in charge of the arrangements?
- ·
Has an agreement been made by everyone involved
in planning the wedding that this person will have the final say over all
matters pertaining to the wedding, following Shura (consultation) with relevant
parties?
- ·
Has an agreement been reached that all lists,
paperwork and news pertaining to the wedding will be made known to this
coordinator by all parties involved in organizing this wedding?
C. THE SHARIAH REQUIREMENTS
Has a Shariah requirements committee been selected? This
committee will:
- ·
ensure details of the marriage contract,
including the Mahr and conditions to be put in the contract have been finalized
- ·
find out what is required from a couple to marry
in that state (i.e. a marriage license, blood test).
- ·
inform the bride and groom of these requirements
- ·
help the bride and groom secure the necessary
documents (i.e. marriage license)
- ·
inform the bride and groom of any immigration
issues relevant to marriage (if the marriage involves two people in different
countries)
- D. THE BUDGET
- Has a budget committee, led by a responsible, older
experienced accountant ideally been established? This committee will:
- ·
decide on a budget for the wedding
- ·
put this budget on paper
- ·
make sure this budget been approved by the
parties that are paying for it (i.e. groom, groom's family, bride, bride's
family)?
- ·
notify each committee (see below) exactly how
much money they can spend on their section
- ·
give each committee the money it needs to get
its job done
- ·
come up with a final financial accounting at the
end of the wedding for the record of the bride, the groom and if wanted, for
their families
E. THE HALL Has a hall committee been established? This
committee will:
- ·
discuss with relevant parties what kind of hall
to book
- ·
choose a hall in accordance with the tastes of
the relevant parties and the budget they have been given
- ·
make sure that booking the hall does not mean
being stuck with its catering services (if the relevant parties don't want
this). This needs to be discussed with the food committee (see below)
- ·
book the hall
- ·
sign a written contract with them
- ·
follow up from time to time with hall
administrators to remind them of the contract
- ·
take care of all physical arrangements (i.e.
seating arrangements, separation of the sexes) at the hall.
- ·
make sure that the rules and regulations of the
hall are respected by relevant parties and guests during the wedding
- ·
make sure they are paid promptly for their
services
- ·
take care of hospitality issues related to the
wedding
- Some things to look for in a hall are:
- ·
is it in a convenient location for guests?
- ·
does it have motels and hotels nearby so that
out of town guests can easily get to the site?
- ·
are these hotels and motels affordable?
- ·
does the hall have enough space for prayer
during the wedding?
- ·
does it have separate rooms of men and women or
can it at least be segregated easily?
- ·
are washrooms big enough to accommodate the
needs of a large number of guests?
- ·
is the hall clean and well kept?
- ·
will other weddings be held in the same hall
simultaneously?
- ·
if so, will this interfere with your wedding
party?
- ·
can the decoration committee come the day before
to set up the place?
- ·
does the hall include catering? If so, has the
food committee been notified of this?
- ·
does the hall have a condition that you must use
their catering? If so, have the relevant parties and the food committee been
notified of this and have they agreed to it?
- ·
what is the maximum capacity of people allowed
in the hall?
- ·
what are the fire regulations?
- ·
can you bring burners to keep the food warm?
- ·
how big is the kitchen?
- ·
is there a parking area that will be sufficient
for guests that is free?
- ·
what are the rules and regulations of the place?
- ·
do you have a written copy of them?
F. THE FOOD
Has a food committee been established. This committee will:
- ·
discuss with relevant parties what kind of food
will be served, what kind of caterer to book and whatfood guidelines need to be
respected in the wedding menu
- ·
choose a caterer in accordance with the tastes
of the relevant parties and the budget they have been given
- ·
sign a written contract with the caterers
- ·
follow up from time to time with the caterers to
remind them of the contract and of the food guidelines, but not meddle with
their work
- ·
make sure full payment is made
- ·
arrange how the food will be served (if the
caterers are not already taking care of this)
- G. THE DECORATIONS Has the decorations committee been
selected? This committee will:
- ·
discuss with relevant parties how they would
like the hall decorated
- ·
buy the decorations
- ·
decorate the hall before the wedding
- ·
clean up afterwards
H. THE PROGRAM Has the program committee been selected? This
committee will:
- ·
book the Imam and/or person who is officiating
the marriage as well as his substitute
- ·
set up audio visual equipment at the hall for
the wedding
- ·
write up a written program and get it printed
out
- ·
work with the time manager (see below) to ensure
the program runs on time
I. THE TIME MANAGER
Has the time manager been selected? This person is
responsible for assuring punctuality at the wedding. S/he must:
- ·
be in regular communication with all committees
- ·
regularly remind by e-mail, phone etc. the
relevant parties and guests about being on time
- ·
come up with a foolproof plan to get the wedding
to start and end on time
J. THE CLOTHING
Has the clothing committee been selected? This committee
will do the following:
- ·
get the bride and groom's clothing measurements
and preferences
- ·
buy the clothes or get them made at a tailor's
- ·
take care of all issues related to payment and
delivery of the bride and groom's clothing
- ·
make sure to get the clothes early on so the
bride and groom can try them on and any necessary changes can be made
- ·
arrange for any changes to be made
- ·
make sure the clothes are ready for the bride
and groom the day of the wedding
K. THE INVITATION CARDS
Has the invitations committee been selected? This committee
will:
- ·
discuss with relevant parties what design, verse
of the Quran and text should be on the cards
- ·
design a map to the hall which will be included
with the invitation card
- ·
make sure the spelling of the names on the
wedding card is correct
- ·
arrange the printing of the cards
- ·
get the names and addresses of all guests
- ·
distribute, mail, e-mail, etc. the wedding
invitation cards
L. LOOKING FOR A HOME
- ·
have the bride and groom begun discussed where
they will live and what kind of place they will live in (i.e. apartment, home,
etc.)?
- ·
have they begun the process of looking for a
place?